Blog blog blog.................

Hello peeps!

Not been blogging for a while as you may notice. Usual crap, different location. I am getting ready for the festive period & putting my tree up. Are you guys ready for it all? I have still got loads to do which is so unlike me TBH. My manic episodes usually drive me to a frenzy of crimbo shopping in October , so this is late for me! Perhaps a sign that I am at last calming down a bit on this new medication. I have also been going to AA  a lot & taken on service of making teas. I had a slip & took a drink (it was a drink) after 6 years of sobriety, so I need to get back on track there. I have been trying very hard, though I love AA principles, & there is no doubt it does work for Alcoholics, I actually hate most of the folks that go there. A real bunch of egotistical mental patients most of them TBH. To have a lot of AA meetings in asylums is a good idea I reckon as most of them need to be kept in there!! That said, there are great people in AA but in my experience they are few & far between. ANYWAY - AA rant aside I am feeling kinda positive ATM & am looking for a PT job. I sooo need to get back into normal living again. My sleeping patterns are getting slowly better, though not as fast as I would like them to. I have to remember that I did not get ill overnight & I will not get well overnight either. I want it all now though that's the problem I have got. So I continue to be a contradiction in terms, well in some ways but quite insane in others. I have also felt like a drink in the weeks leading up to crimbo, hence the insane statement. Now I know the drill, but it's bloody hard when you are struggling with money troubles, kids & a home to run, & a mental illness to boot. I want to run away but I know where it will take me. I can't keep running all the time. Normal people have all the same problems as me yet they still carry on. I will keep going & achieve goals that are realistic, not mad fantasies that I think will fix me. It's still a slow & painful process.

So that's me. At this present time I am watching Iron man 2 with my little boy. We will be doing the Sunday night ritual of bath & X Factor too. (To confess I actually HATE X Factor, but my Son loves it) So who will win? Matt I hope, as I actually can't stand that Cher TBH. It's like watching my Daughter with a tantrum on the TV, which I get at home for free ( with the added bonus of sending her to the pit & shutting the door) & the others just bore me to tears it's just so painful! But hey, I am here, with my kids & almost happy. So I can be at least grateful for that. I am trying NOT to concentrate on all the housework & washing I have to do tomorrow - it's just a sin & I HATE it!! It NEVER stops, ever! And as I am a clean freak, setting foot into my teenagers squats is painful in the extreme! I am also finalising my divorce tomorrow (amicable thank God) as I am set to marry the lovely Stan Laurel (my nick name for my long suffering partner) in July 2011. Just got to loose the extra tyre first!!

So for now blogsters, farewell & have a lovely evening!