Can't sleep won't sleep

Well I can't sleep (again) as I am worrying about finances & am still in pain with the diseased boob (Had the big C in my right breast just over 2/12 years ago, & they have just found 8 lumps in it this time) Friday was my MRI scan when the lumps were found but I am thinking they are cysts as they bloody hurt like mad!! That, together with worrying about xmas with hardly any cash is making me edgy. So I am back blogging at what?, half one in the AM? OK then. My teenager is awake with me at the moment listening to music on her laptop. I worry about her as she is 16 & gets all the mood swings & loss of sleep too. I just hope that she escapes all this crap that I get.  The thought of her going through all this makes me feel awful. 

Had an OK day though. My lovely partner did all the dinner & uniforms so I could just chill out for a while. I am reading Gone by Mo Hayder which I got for £3.49 in good old WH Smiths the other day. I did not get on with Pig Island, however this one is much better. I was also happy that X Factor is over thank God! Matt is OK though & I wish him well & congrats. I am off tomorrow to spend my free from Sky £50 M&S vouchers. (what a bloody ordeal it was to get them too) If I am lucky I may get 2 pints of milk, hand squeezed from a gold cow, & some hand wrapped by the Queen tea cakes for that price! But hey, it IS M&S right? And I can be sure they will taste good! 

I took my Dad out yesterday so he could go xmas shopping, which I so did not want to do. Poor Dad. He is in a care home & has Parkinson's disease so can't walk far on his own. It went OK & though I was knackered as I had not slept the night before, I did not kill him when he stood on my foot this time. I actually have quite a lot of patience when I put my mind to it! I also went to an AA party that evening which was OK too. I think I was over tired after though - hence the feeling of total fatigue today.

Speaking of AA, I am having a party for some AA's Boxing day which I am dreading because some of them hate each other! I am hoping my M&S tea cakes will keep the peace for a while. Why the Fuck I decided to have a bunch of recovering AA members in the same room at Christmas in my house is beyond me. I blame the pills myself - must have been on a manic one. I hardly know most of them. It's my usual " I want you to like me please" mentality born from low self esteem. One of them, an author, is quite full on, which will no doubt go down like a cold cup of vomit with my partner! This guy is funny, but is very loud & likes to show off in front of the girlie's. I think he is a closet Gay TBH but whatever floats your boat hey? I will see it as an excuse to get dolled up out of my usual jeans & test my so called spirituality. M&S party food & all! 

Well, not a lot else to say other than thanks for reading my manic drivel & taking an interest in my car crash of a life. On a positive note, I am still drink free (yay!) & at least on the right road to recovery & partaking in life, whatever life is.

So long for now,